New

New Year's Day cloaks itself with promise. Plans to start over, to do better, to improve, to enjoy-swirl one on top of the other inside like crisp autumn leaves in a whispered wind. If you are an emotional mess like me, the list of necessary changes can be overwhelming. Not only do I gather those obvious resolutions like eating better, loving more, slowing down, exercising more, but I feel the need to take my flaws that have been pointed out to me by well meaning souls through the new year transformational process. For good measure, I throw in a list of SHOULDS, mostly highly regarded religious tokens and familial relational building. At the end of the process, the light, airy step into a new year becomes a pathway burdened by my relentless internal critic.

A few days ago, I was meditating on the idea of what it would be like to start the new year without any expectations for a new and improved me. The very thought seemed scandalous. How would it be possible to gaze fully at myself, my flaws, my failings and purposefully turn away without fixing even the tiniest problem? Wouldn't God chastise me for my lack of diligence? Wouldn't He frown in disapproval that I had not turned 1 talent into 5? Wouldn't He sigh deeply and wonder if this frail creature that He brought into life is ever going to get it? I was recently told by a friend that rather than my being loved in spite of my flaws, that some love me because of them. This statement shook my little world to its very core and I have slowly been exploring it in all its secret little corners. Yes, I'm human....all too human....but maybe that is how it is meant to be. I stumble and fall often, but God's mercy and grace pick me back up. There is room at the cross for all just like me, not new and improved versions, but plain old people whose faith is small, but whose God is gianormous!

So, for me, I have decided to accept for today God's promise that His burden is light. Iam laying down the bag full of expectations and requirements and I am just going to walk forward into what He has crafted for this new year. It is my hope that we'll skip and dance together through it.