Trust

I have a trust issue. I suppose it is more accurate to say I have a MIStrust issue. I was introduced to betrayal early in life and felt its sting in the many following years. The sobering truth is that people intentionally and unintentionally fail us in the moments we need them most. Over the years, I've fashioned my painful experiences into a garment of of hypervigilence. My radar is always up, filtering through every word, deed, glance, and message. Exhausting work, to be sure, and one in which I experience limited success in overhauling the mindset which fuels me towards it. Most of the time, life streams by without incident. The filter is set to casual observation. However, occasionally, a change occurs and I find myself once again on high alert. Such an incident happened recently. In the wake of examination, I was struck by how quickly I can go from acceptance to rejection and walls with the flimsiest of evidence to support my altered state. That's the strange thing about trust. It has to be built stone by stone over years, yet can be struck down with a single blow. For people like me, the struggle then becomes whether to pick up the mortar and begin the rebuilding process once again, or leave the crumbled construction to testify how trusting people is an exercise in futility. The truth of the matter is that trusting people truly IS an exercise in futility, but not in the manner in which I often pursue it. People are part of a sin fallen, redemption needing, undeserving world. They will continue to fail me, and it is no big shocker that I will continue to find disappointment to some degree or other if I am looking to find otherwise. However, the glorious revelation from my Father is that He CAN be trusted....infinitely and always. My puny filter picks up malicious and careless injuries, but He knows motives and plans before the idea is even fully formed. All my life experiences come through His hand, even those I question and attempt to cast away from me. Therefore, the real issue is whether or not I believe God when he says in Isaiah 30: 15 The holy Lord God of Israel had told all of you, "I will keep you safe if you turn back to me and calm down. I will make you strong if you quietly trust me." For this moment, for this day, trust Him.

Memorials

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of spending the day with my youngest son. After sharing conversation and laughs, our talk veered onto plans for the upcoming spring break. Several activies had been tossed around, but none solidified. As we discussed some of the options, I blurted out that I wished we had the money to make a trip to D.C. as I'd fallen in love with our nation's capital when I visited a few years ago and longed to share it with my children.

I began gushing about the sites that allowed my patriotic heart to unfurl into the full blossom of American pride. I listed the overwhelming reality of freedom's price at Arlington Cemetery. I mentioned the horror of mankind's cruelty and willingness to sacrifice life at the Holocaust museum. I bespoke of the Vietnam memorial, the World War II memorial, the Lincoln memorial, and finally the pandas at the National zoo. At this tidbit, my son burst into jolly laughter. I turned a curious eye onto him and waited for him to explain. He pointed out the irony that my fondness for the city revolved around "death and war" with the exception of the pandas. I paused and reflected at his words.

It is true. My American heritage was built upon the lives and sacrifice of countless others. Walking through those places that honor patriotism draws one into an identity as an American.

I was struck by the parrallel nature of our lives as Christians. From the outside, it looks as if we dwell on "death" through the suffering and crucifixtion of our Lord. It is submerging ourselves in the reality of His death and sacrifice; however, that allows us to understand our identity as followers of Christ. As we enter into this season that honors the death and resurrection, may we not stop at remembrance. The war for mankind wages around us. May our allegiance with the God of Heaven and Earth call us to fight bravely and with abandonment for the souls around us. May those who follow after us witness your complete surrender.