Trust

I have a trust issue. I suppose it is more accurate to say I have a MIStrust issue. I was introduced to betrayal early in life and felt its sting in the many following years. The sobering truth is that people intentionally and unintentionally fail us in the moments we need them most. Over the years, I've fashioned my painful experiences into a garment of of hypervigilence. My radar is always up, filtering through every word, deed, glance, and message. Exhausting work, to be sure, and one in which I experience limited success in overhauling the mindset which fuels me towards it. Most of the time, life streams by without incident. The filter is set to casual observation. However, occasionally, a change occurs and I find myself once again on high alert. Such an incident happened recently. In the wake of examination, I was struck by how quickly I can go from acceptance to rejection and walls with the flimsiest of evidence to support my altered state. That's the strange thing about trust. It has to be built stone by stone over years, yet can be struck down with a single blow. For people like me, the struggle then becomes whether to pick up the mortar and begin the rebuilding process once again, or leave the crumbled construction to testify how trusting people is an exercise in futility. The truth of the matter is that trusting people truly IS an exercise in futility, but not in the manner in which I often pursue it. People are part of a sin fallen, redemption needing, undeserving world. They will continue to fail me, and it is no big shocker that I will continue to find disappointment to some degree or other if I am looking to find otherwise. However, the glorious revelation from my Father is that He CAN be trusted....infinitely and always. My puny filter picks up malicious and careless injuries, but He knows motives and plans before the idea is even fully formed. All my life experiences come through His hand, even those I question and attempt to cast away from me. Therefore, the real issue is whether or not I believe God when he says in Isaiah 30: 15 The holy Lord God of Israel had told all of you, "I will keep you safe if you turn back to me and calm down. I will make you strong if you quietly trust me." For this moment, for this day, trust Him.